In which I make The Eggs…

This is for Sarah…

This is NOT for the faint of heart, or for those suffering from high cholesterol. And after eating these, I may be one of them.

I not a huge breakfast food person. There are days when I want some pancakes, and some days when eggs would suit well, but most days, a grilled cheese or a blt beats breakfast hands down, no matter what time of day. However, when I have the gang over for breakfast, I know that breakfast food is required, so I break out my “secret” eggs. People swoon. They are pretty tasty. Tasty enough, in fact, that I had them for DINNER last night. There is a first for everything. I have discovered that when I make these for the gang, it creates a mood of well-being (or lethargy??) so grand that everyone hangs around all day watching movies and taking naps, and when I am really lucky, ordering obscene amounts of chinese food and sushi before we all call it a day. It is heaven. This has happened more than once. They are truly my secret weapon.

Last night I found myself facing down the demons that were the glasses left over from New Year’s Eve. (Please don’t count days since New Year’s Eve. I am embarrassed.)

terror alert at level orange

How many weekends of sadness will I have to endure before I realize that until I have a dishwasher, paper or plastic should be the drinking vessel of choice? This is frightening, and every time I see it I become so dejected I burrow back into the couch for another hour of television. Which is very anti-resolution of me. Anyway, because I was hungry, but could not in good conscience make a dinner mess when the glasses were still mocking me, I decided on eggs. No muss, no fuss, and totally filling. Though I do not recommend eating these by yourself, lest you immediately drop to the floor with a heart attack. You may need someone to call 911.

Three basic ingredients. Eggs, cream and butter. Five if you count salt and pepper. Six or seven if you add herbs or some kind of cheese. The scary part is the proportion of these ingredients to each other. The reason these are so good is their very creamy custardy texture. Which requires cream, obviously. I did this last night just for me. I used four eggs and a 1/4 cup of heavy cream. There were more than I could eat. I would suggest that tripling this would easily feed four.

Eggs and cream whisked together.

looks harmless enough...

Then butter (2 tablespoons of shameful shameful delight) is melted over medium low heat.

slow and steady...

Please note, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, once the butter is melted, the heat must be turned down to low before the eggs are added. Pour in the eggs and cream, and start stirring.

stir and scrape.

Pretty immediately you want to start stirring the eggs and scraping the bottom of the pan with a (heat proof) rubber spatula. What you want to avoid is crusty overcooked eggs forming on the bottom layer, so stir and scrape to avoid this. It will start to look like this.


And then you will continue to stir and scrape, and add salt and pepper to taste, and it will look like this.


And then you stir and scrape just a little longer. I like my eggs loose and not cooked too much at all, so when I am finished, they still look wet and like they could cook just a little bit longer. But they are delicious.


I toasted up a couple of slices of ciabatta that I had in the freezer, hit the eggs with another sprinkle of salt and some chopped tarragon (have you ever had tarragon with eggs? Dreamy.) and poured myself a glass of 2008 Cotes de Luberon left over from NYE and I was set. Dinner was served.

breakfast for dinner

And the strangest thing happened. While I was cooking up my eggs, I got the most overwhelming urge to read Henry James. Don’t hate me. That sounds so pretentious I want to punch myself in the face, but I assure you, it doesn’t happen, well, ever, and it was the most bizarre thing. Not just the urge to read, the actual desire to read Henry James specifically. I have never even read more than parts of anything James wrote, but I do have Henry James on hand, so I promptly sat down and read Daisy Miller from start to finish. And it made me want to say things like “I should like to know blah blah blah” or “I wished to beg you to cease your relations with so and so.” I am confident the cosmos are tired of my being a lazy, slothful tv watching bum, and want me to stick to my resolutions, because not only did I have a hankering for Daisy Miller, but apparently there was a House marathon on Bravo yesterday that I didn’t even know about…how I missed it, I do not know, but I did. Victory!

And now, with great sadness, it is time to return to reality, and start thinking about that little thing called work, that I managed to pay minimal attention to for 10 whole days, and is now filling me with feelings of dread and despair. Blerg.

Scrambled Eggs (serves more than one, triple this to serve 4)

4 large eggs

1/4 cup heavy cream

salt and pepper to taste

2 tbl butter (do NOT triple this if you are multiplying the recipe. That would be appalling, 3-4 tbls will be MORE than enough.)

chopped tarragon (or herb of your choice, but try tarragon) for serving.

Whisk together the eggs and heavy cream. Melt the butter in a 10″ (nonstick would be ideal) frying pan over medium low heat. When butter is melted, reduce heat to low and add egg mixture to the pan. Stir the eggs and scrape the bottom of the pan with a rubber spatula, until the eggs begin to set and form fluffy curds. For large quantities this could take more than 10 minutes. Remember, quality, not speed. When eggs are almost cooked to your liking, add kosher or sea salt, and pepper to taste. Feel free to add goat or various other cheeses at this point too, if you feel the urge. When the eggs are cooked to your liking, spoon onto a plate and sprinkle with chopped herbs of your choice. Enjoy.

Oh the greatness that awaits...

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